


So Much for Being Strong

by CrystalJade



Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Genre: Character Death, Established Relationship, Hurt, M/M, devastaing, it brought me to tears, very hurt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-06
Updated: 2016-04-06
Packaged: 2018-05-31 15:50:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 800
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6476434
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CrystalJade/pseuds/CrystalJade
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I keep thinking what would be like for Steve if he doesn't have Danny in his life, or worse if he loses Danny.</p><p>It really brought me to tears when I wrote it. So be careful, if you want a bright nice day.</p>
            </blockquote>





	So Much for Being Strong

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: Don't own the boys. They belong to each other.
> 
> It really hurts, so I didn't proofread it. If you find any mistake or typo, feel free to tell me. Thank you guys! Love you so much!

Danny died. Died for real this time. Died in his arms.

In fact Steve had never thought that possible before, even Danny had kept telling him that Steve would be the death of him and Steve kept getting him shot at almost every day and he would get him killed one day. Even Danny kept bitching about that from the first day since Steve made him his partner, Steve had never thought that day would come and he would lose Danny one day.

Danny told him, "it's not your fault, babe." Those were his last words to Steve. Not blaming him, but to make sure that Steve would not blame himself for his death and that Steve would know and keep in mind he would never blame Steve for anything. He kept loving and caring for Steve until the last second of his life. He even found a way to keep caring for Steve after that.

That is, was, his Danny who always made sure that Steve would be okay, who always put Steve above himself, who trusted him completely and loved him crazily. That was his Danny, even he was about to leave this world, he did everything he could to make sure that Steve would be able to live on without the guilt he would feel gnawing at his heart.

Sadly, Danny just forgot that he had become everything to Steve, not the most important thing, but everything. He had become all that matters to Steve. And when Steve held his body in his arms, drenched in his blood, and finally accepted that he was left alone in the world again, Steve was certain that his world and his life was crumbling around himself the moment Danny left this world.

If he has been left with a Danny-shaped hole in his heart and his soul as people think he is, that Danny-shaped hole is as big as Danny himself. Or even bigger. Bigger than Danny's physical size, but the same size as Danny's caring and loving soul. So Steve was broken and there was nothing left of him. There's no recovering for Steve, ever. And even time won't be able to heal the wound of his soul as big as the whole world.

Everyone they know feels hurt, of course, Danny was loved by everyone, but they could move on with their lives someday, except Steve. The pain of losing Danny will be always there, unbearable and devastating. Getting up every morning is an effort. It's taking all of his resources to hop out of the bed and start a new day without Danny in his life. 

He couldn't move on and he couldn't live his life, because his life has been interwound with Danny's long ago. Without Danny in it, his world is shattered into tiny pieces while a huge part of it was gone for good with Danny. There wouldn't be a Steve McGarrett without a Danny Williams. He has been left an empty shell of the happy and loved Steve when his Danny was ripped out of his life. 

It's not like that Danny left him for another human being or moved to another part of the world and lived his life there. It's nothing like that. He may be hurt and wrecked if that was the case, but he would be sure that Danny is alive and happy. He can make do with that. But now he feels like being stuck between death and life. 

He doesn't dare to take his own life even living and breathing are excruciatingly torturous for him. Even he is desperate to be with Danny, to see him and to hold him in his arms again. But he can't stand of the possibility that taking his own life may separate him from Danny eternally. So he has to live this lifeless and meaningless life in this world on earth until he is allowed to go to Danny. 

He has never thought living alone is a kind of torture. Every day, every minute, every second, thinking about Danny and missing him are like a constant ache, always there, always hurting.

Every corner he turns, every room he enters, every meal he eats or every bottle of beer he swallows, he feels like seeing Danny's smiling face, his scowl; feels like hearing his soothing words, his ranting or his bitching. Everywhere he looks, he listens to, he sees ghosts and hears ghosts. 

All it takes is the sight of someone with a stupid tie for Steve's thoughts flooded with Danny. All it takes is the smell of coffee mixed with malasada for Steve to get lost in the thoughts of Danny. 

All he can do is live without really living, until the day he is allowed to reunite with his Danny.


End file.
